I see you…
I feel you…
You’re not alone in feeling worthless…
Before you read any further I want you to know that you are worthy.
How do I know? You were born.
Believe it or not, we’re all born as equals.
Your sense of worth is not a genetic predisposition—yet it is inherited. Sounds paradoxical right?
If your sense of worth wasn’t inherited through your genes, how did you develop your sense of worth?
You learned it.
How We Inherit Our Sense of Worth
Your sense of worth has been inherited through past conditioning. More specifically, through your attachment to particular thoughts and emotions about certain experiences, thus creating a core limiting belief that appears to be true and screams “I’m not worthy!”.
You’re not alone in this thinking, this is one of the most common limiting core beliefs that people hold.
Our sense of worth develops as we create a sense of self, aka our ego. You can think our your sense of self as who you think you are.
Our ego is craving an identity by the time we enter our first school years. This is how far back you need to reflect on how your lack of self-worth developed.
What can influence our Lack of worth?
- emotionally absent parents
- verbal, emotional, physical and sexual abuse
- being bullied
- parents divorce
- abandonment
- lack of love and nurturing
- past criticism
- any sort of childhood trauma
The impact of holding this belief is enormous as you well know. It affects every area of your life; relationships, career, self-esteem, communication, and your ability to love and be loved.
How To Stop Feeling Worthless
There’s no step-by-step process to end this feeling, I’m sorry to say.
For myself, it was a spiritual journey of awakening that had me see through this illusion. Once I realized that my ego is only who I ‘think’ I am, I was able to break free of the sense of unworthiness that followed me everywhere.
For you, it may be a different journey. Here are some places to start:
Validate What Your Feeling
It’s OK to feel what you’re feeling. It’s perfectly normal to be having the experience you are. This is called emotional validation.
It’s so important to allow our emotional experiences to happen as they are without judgment. Validating your feelings helps build a sense of worth.
If you deny your feelings or criticize them this will re-enforce the belief that you’re not worthy. That you’re not worth the love you can offer yourself by accepting your experience.
Denying yourself will only re-affirm that you’re not worthy.
It’s Your Thinking
First, I want you to know I’m not minimizing your experience by asking you to explore this. Your experience is very real and valid.
What I’d like you to explore is the idea that if you couldn’t think, you also couldn’t feel worthless. It’s your thinking that makes it so.
And your thoughts are only true if you believe them.
I encourage you to question your thoughts, meet them with a curious mind.
Is it true?
How can you absolutely know it’s true?
Are there any other possibilities to what could be true?
What evidence supports this belief?
What evidence doesn’t support it?
You may just find that it’s not as true as you thought.
Create Distance
What do I mean by this?
Research shows us that the brain doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined.
When we get too close to our thoughts they appear to be so real that they’re actually happening.
When you get so close to the thought of ‘I’m not worthy’ it becomes so real that it’s happening right now. The closer you get, the stronger the emotional reaction you’ll have.
I encourage you to sit in silence and take a few very slow deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Focus on being present and tune into how your breathing feels.
This will ground you in peace and a sense of OKness.
Now observe your thoughts from this higher level of awareness, watch them at a distance.
Be curious as to how they create your experience and your emotions.
See how they’re not you, see how they’re not necessarily true.
