Ever wondered whether your actions are helping or enabling another?
My hope is that these insights will allow you to see with more clarity.
- There is a fine line between helping and enabling. If your helping isn’t supporting their growth as a person, there’s a good chance you’re enabling a behaviour that hinders it.
- Ask yourself: Am I not letting go of my behavior towards them because it makes me feel uncomfortable by doing so or because you think it might make them feel uncomfortable by doing so? If it’s because you are avoiding feeling uncomfortable, there’s a good chance you have made it about you instead of them. Be ready to do what is best for them, despite your discomfort.
- Ask yourself: Am I attempting to fill up my cup or theirs? For example, one who doesn’t love them self is enabling the behaviour of another because they associate that behaviour with receiving love in return. Therefore, they feel loved at the expense of inhibiting the growth, learning, joy, health etc. of the person whose behaviour they’re enabling.
- Ask yourself: Am I acting out of selfishness or selflessness? A selfless person will do what is best to nurture the other persons’ growth despite their own personal attachments. They will also see that what is best for the other person is also best for them. This is how selfless people are able to let people go that they love dearly, instead of holding on to them for personal gain.
Instead of constantly over-watering the flower out of fear that it’s not getting enough, try stepping back to watch the universe take care of it, witness the rain nurture its’ growth.
We also have a tendency to do this with humans as well, in the form of enabling or smothering. Fearing that without us they won’t grow or function optimally.
Sometimes, others truly do need our help, and at other times we need to trust that their innate wisdom will guide them to flourish and grow, safely.
Learn from all of your experiences,
opportunities are everywhere.