how to be kind to yourself

How To Be Kind To Yourself – Even If Depressed or Made A Mistake

Some of the most generous, caring, and wonderful people in the world forget to look after themselves too. However, if you’re not giving yourself the kindness you deserve, you can’t expect to enjoy a healthy level of emotional and spiritual wellness.

Unfortunately, this can lead to bouts of depression and general feelings of mallaise.

So, how do you show yourself some much-deserved kindness?

Like most things, the transition often starts with something small. You can start by simply recognizing when you’re having a difficult day and giving yourself permission to experience your emotions freely.

Consider these simple steps you can take to be kinder to yourself:

Forgive yourself when you make a mistake

how to be kinder to yourself

This might seem simple, but it’s often the hardest thing for many people to do. When someone we love makes a mistake, we’re keen to jump in and forgive them. Yet somehow, we’re often too hard on ourselves and refuse ourselves that same forgiveness.

Although you might not be able to automatically forgive yourself as quickly as you’d like, it’s important to start practicing as quickly as possible.

The next time you find yourself being angry with something you’ve done, said, or thought, take a step back. Ask yourself how you would respond to a friend who had done the same thing. If you would forgive someone else, try to forgive yourself too.

Nourish your physical health

how to be kind to yourself when depressed

Nourishing your physical health requires a constant commitment. However, it doesn’t have to be as complicated as it seems.

For example, the next time you have lunch, ask yourself if you can choose the slightly healthier option. If you’re too tired to make something from scratch, ensure that you have some frozen meals ready to go, instead of picking up some fast-food.

Think about how you can add small bits of extra physical activity into your day too. For instance, could you walk to the store rather than driving there? Not only will you get some extra exercise, but you’ll also save money on fuel and reduce your impact on the earth too.

Get help when you need it

how to be kind to yourself when you make a mistake

It’s easy to assume that you’re on your own when it comes to dealing with difficult things. However, help is often around if you’re willing to ask for it.

If you’re struggling at work with a range of tasks that are too much for you to handle on your own, speak to your boss and ask for guidance.

If you’re worried about your anxiety levels or mental health, don’t hide in your room and try to “get over it” on your own. Speak to a therapist or talk to your doctor about your options. Getting the right help when you need it can save you weeks and months of pain.

Spend time with loved ones

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Want to make being kind to yourself seem easy? Spend some time with the people you love. They’ll automatically treat you with the compassion you deserve and help you to see why it’s so valuable to look after yourself.

If you’re beating yourself up about something, your friends and relatives can also make it easier to look at the problem from a different perspective.

Human beings are naturally social creatures. Spending time with others is one of the best things you can do to make yourself feel good and nurture your emotional health. It’s also a great way to prevent yourself from isolating when you’re feeling down.

Add self-care to your calendar

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We often find it difficult to carve time out of our busy schedules for self-care on a regular basis. If you’re struggling to find time to look after yourself, it might be worth adding a dedicated “self-care” day to your routine. Mark it into your calendar just like a meeting at work.

During your self-care day, you can do anything you like to make yourself feel good. This might mean having a nice bubble bath and reading a book or watching your favorite movie. Self-care can even involve exploring things like deep breathing and relaxation.

Sleep well

how to be kind to yourself when depressed

Ensure that you get enough sleep each night. 7-9 hours is an opportune amount for most adults.

Sleep quality counts too. The better you sleep, the more you’ll be able to handle the everyday challenges you face, without feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

Have a relaxing bedtime routine, a dark bedroom, and a comfortable bed. Avoid screens, alcohol, caffeine, or a heavy meal shortly before retiring.

Finally, when you want to give yourself an emotional, physical, and spiritual boost, grab your blankets. Some extra sleep can sometimes be a crucial part of resting and recharging in your day-to-day schedule.

Being kinder to yourself comes with a host of benefits! Do something nice for yourself each day, and soon you’ll be enjoying it as a regular part of your daily routines.

myths about emotions

4 Buried Myths About Emotions That Are Keeping You Stuck

We often assume our emotions are something that happen to us and define us. By doing this, our emotions have control over us while we tend to feel more and more out of control.

We may have a lot of emotional baggage, but we don’t have to carry it around forever. In this post I’m going to share myths about your emotions that are holding you back from emotional freedom. If you’re ready to move on and feel free, then this one is for you.

Myth #1 – My Emotions Will Hurt Me

Truth: Resisting or suppressing your emotions will hurt you

Our emotions are meant to be felt, every single one of them. Without our emotions we’d dead inside. Liken to apathetic Zombies walking around like scenes from the hit show Walking Dead.

Any time we resist ‘what is’ or ‘what wants to happen’ we’re met with signals and warning signs. This resistance you implement is what we typically call ‘stress’.

What are some warning signals and signs of stress? Increased blood pressure, chronic inflammation, joint degradation, skin disorders, trouble sleeping, anxiety, irritation, short fuse, and much more.

These signals are telling you that your resistance or suppression of emotions are taking your body and mind out of balance, aka homeostasis.

The solution? Practice allowing your emotions to just be. Practice feeling them on a daily basis. Start with less meaningful emotions to you.

As you start to feel safer experiencing your emotions, start practicing with some of your stronger emotions.

Over time, you’ll start to realize the truth that your emotions can’t hurt you. In fact, on the other side of feeling an comfortable emotion is relief.

This can be confirmed by noticing the immediate release of certain stress signals you may have been experiencing such as a pressure in your head or chest for example.

Myth #2 – My Emotions are To Be Controlled

Truth: Your emotions are to be observed

There is some overlap here with myth #1.

Any time we attempt to resist or suppress our emotions we’re attempting to control them.

This control, however, is nothing but an illusion. If we suppress or bury an emotion in an attempt to not feel it, it then buries itself into the depths of our subconscious.

The unattended emotions seep out into our daily lives as unwelcomed actions, mental illness, physical illness, and a sense of being out of control or not understanding why you’re doing what you’re doing.

Myth #3 – Expressing My Emotions Means Acting On Them

Truth: Expressing your emotions means feeling/experiencing them

In my experience, this seems to be a common limiting belief people hold.

The belief that ‘in order to express my emotions I must act of them’.

For example, “I must tell them how I feel when I’m resentful”, “I must throw things or scream when I’m angry”, “I must cry when I’m sad” etc.

Take a moment now to observe whether this limiting belief has held any truth for you up until now.

Typically, when thinking that expressing our emotions means acting on them, we try not to feel certain emotions out of fear for how we may act if we do.

Acting or speaking in the midst of heightened emotions such as anger or resentment typically don’t end well. We’re not thinking with clarity and wisdom.

If this has been you, here’s the great news, you’re not obligated to act of any of your emotions once you allow them to be felt.

Think of ‘expressing’ being synonymous with ‘feeling’. This will help with forming a new, more liberating belief.

To practice this, I suggest you start by sitting alone with your emotions. Allow them to be felt without obligation to act upon them. Allow them to come, be felt, and go on their own time.

Myth #4 – My Emotions Tell Me What’s True

Truth: Your emotions tell you what you’re thinking and believing

One of my favourite quotes comes from George Pransky, a pioneer in teaching the Three Principles of MInd, Consciousness and Thought:

Feelings are a barometer of our thoughts at any given time

George Pransky, The Relationship Handbook

What does he mean? The temperature of our feelings (how intense they are) are a direct reflection of our thoughts in the moment.

In summary; if we think something sad, we feel sad. If we think something happy, we feel happy.

Truth, or facts, don’t elicit an emotional response in and of themselves. Everything in this world inherently means nothing until we make it mean something.

What we think or believe about what may or may not be true is what stirs our emotions, not a truth itself.

Therefore, our emotions hold no absolute truth within them. They merely add colour to our thinking and feeling to our life.

They’re not indicators of what’s true, they’re indicators of what we’re thinking.

how to reinvent yourself

10 Quick Tips On How To reinvent yourself – Starting Today

Most of us, at some point in our lives, are presented with the opportunity to reinvent ourselves. If you change your job, move to a different town or even country, you can tidy up all the loose ends in your recent past and step out into a brand-new persona.

You can change the way you dress, live, and how you show up in life. This is a particularly refreshing time for those people who welcome change, because it gives them a reason and a purpose to change everything at the same time.

If you relish the opportunity to change, consider these 10 Tips for reinventing yourself.

10 Quick Tips On How To reinvent yourself

1. Avoid giving in to what is expected, reasonable, sensible, or appropriate

The point here is to enjoy yourself. For example:

  • If you’ve been ‘preppy clothing type’ all your life and you want to be the casual type, just do it.
  • If you’ve been ‘the modest type’, and you secretly lusted after a penthouse suite with views of the ocean, find one.
  • And if you’ve always been the ‘BMW sedan type’ but love the idea of driving a 55 Chevy pick-up, this is your time to shine. People will notice that you live life according to your own rules, and you can enjoy every minute of it!

2. If you’re in a new job or locale, this is a time to make new friends

Choose carefully and wisely. You don’t need to be everybody’s friend.

  • Keep your circle small. Sound people out and use your new friends to sound out new places and potential new hobbies too. Others will notice that you’re friendly but have a private side too.

3. Practice being a great listener

You’ll be amazed at what you can learn about people, places, and everything else if you just listen. Ask lots of questions. You’re new here and others will expect you to ask questions. Ask some good ones…and listen.

  • A surprising perk of this technique is that others will refer to you as a great conversationalist!

4. Take time to explore the area …. alone

You’ll notice and appreciate more if you’re alone. Take pictures and make notes. It will make for great conversations later!

5. Be a good neighbour

Take time to help others. Practice random acts of kindness at every opportunity.

  • Others will appreciate you and speak well of you, especially if you help with no thought of a reward. Do it because you can and for no other reason.

6. Stand up and speak out for things you have a passion for

Let others know that you are both willing and able to make your point, debate an issue, or speak up for those who have no voice. People will notice that you are selfless and put others before yourself.

7. Start early

Show that you have a zest for life and can’t wait to get at it each day. Walk quickly and with purpose. Always be the first to volunteer for everything.

  • You will win some and you will lose some, but overall, you will win because everyone will know you as the one who is up for everything.

8. Be generous with your praise for everybody who has earned it

Giving credit to others will show how much you appreciate them, and it will come back to you tenfold.

9. Keep yourself fit and healthy

Set a good example. You don’t have to go crazy – just eat healthy, drink plenty of water, and do some form of exercise that raises your heart rate for 30 minutes each day.

  • The pay-off is phenomenal. Others will notice you and be inspired, which, in turn, will inspire you to continue.

10. Thank others – for everything, all the time

Show your gratitude to as many people as you can, as often as you can. Most people are starved of thanks for a job well done, for sharing their wisdom, or for acknowledging their kindness.

  • People will appreciate you forever if you show them gratitude for good words and deeds

Wrapping Up

Most of the time, our mind runs on autopilot because how we show up in life is directed by our subconscious mind. When you turn the job over to your conscious mind and really put some thought into it, amazing things can happen.

People’s perception of you can change in a heartbeat if you apply any one of these 10 Tips . If you apply yourself to all 10, you will, indeed, be a completely different person – one that you consciously designed. Try it – you’ll like it!

how to prevent burnout

10 Actionable Tips On How To Prevent Burnout

When you meet with a certain level of success in your job, sooner or later, working long hours without taking time to recharge will likely lead to burnout.

Burnout can leave you feeling tired and resentful. It’s essential to recognize the signs early to pace yourself and be effective at your job.

Successful people know how hard it is to keep up their self-care when they’re riding high on success, so they form habits that help them stay ahead of things. Budgeting time to do the things you love helps keep you fresh.

10 Actionable Tips On How To Prevent Burnout

1. Be on the lookout for warning signs

People feel the effects of burnout in different ways. Perhaps you’re feeling weary and exhausted without the energy necessary to perform. Or maybe you feel sad or stressed out most of the time.

  • Some people experience blurred-vision or difficulty finding words or focusing on anything in front of them (called “tunnel vision”).
  • Or you might worry about work all the time, even when you aren’t working.
  • Once you’ve found the root of your burnout, it’s easier to handle it.

2. Take regular breaks

Anywhere from 10-20 minutes can make all the difference between staying in your zone and falling asleep at your desk. When you feel burnout creeping up, take a break for your health and well-being.

Even if you’re only winding down for five minutes, sit somewhere quiet to think things over.

3. Follow a good sleep pattern

Studies show that people who get less than seven hours of sleep each night are more likely to burn out. If you find yourself falling asleep at your desk or on the subway, try catching up on some zzz’s during weekends.

4. Make regular exercise an essential part of your life

Regular exercise reduces stress and increases energy. If you aren’t a naturally athletic person, you might be surprised to find that exercise isn’t an inconvenient chore.

There are many ways to have fun while making your body feel better! If you can’t get out of the office, try some low-impact exercises like stretches while you’re at your desk.

5. Set some goals

When you know you have something to work toward, it’s easier to get out of bed in the morning. With dreams, you give yourself a reason to go on, a direction for your energy.

6. Try outsourcing

Switch up your workload every once in a while, to take some pressure off yourself. Delegate to coworkers or hire an intern. If you pay someone else to do part of your job, you’ll free up time for yourself—and it will help you think more clearly and creatively.

7. Identify the source of your burnout and fix it

You’ll have a more challenging time beating burnout if you don’t know what’s causing it. When you take some time to reflect, where do you feel tired, stressed, or resentful?

Put some things in writing. Are there things that you’re doing that are causing this feeling? If so, talk to your boss about doing something different and let them know what’s going on.

8. Go on a vacation

Remember: Fun doesn’t have to be expensive. Plan a trip somewhere fun that you can go for a few days. Go for some fresh air, take some time out of your schedule, and return feeling refreshed.

9. Be consistent with your self-care

You can’t expect to get in touch with your feelings and refresh yourself if you don’t take enough time for yourself.

Even a 20-minute break can make all the difference in the world when you’re feeling stressed and overworked.

10. Establish firm boundaries

Don’t let your boss or colleagues push you to work late without saying something first. There’s a thin line between being hard-working and being a slave driver.

Wrapping Up

Remember: successful people don’t just show up for work and do their best. They ensure that they have time to do things that are important to them. They make a healthy, balanced life outside of work.

Plan smart breaks to stay on top of things and be more effective at work. You’ll be glad you did!

take control of your life 1

How To Take Back Control of Your Life

Not feeling in control of your life is one of the most disheartening and self-defeating predicaments you can be in.

You feel a victim to life and the circumstances within it.

You’re always asking yourself “what’s the point?” (since I’m not in control anyway)

I’d be lying if I said there’s a 5-step process to take back control of your life, or that this article will miraculously give you a sense of control by the end.

There are. however, a few things for you to understand that may help you wake up, shift a perspective, or trigger an insight.

I think the most important thing to understand first is that control is an illusion, so that’s where I’ll begin.

Understand That Control is an Illusion

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This may be uncharted and potentially uncomfortable territory for you, but I encourage you to soak it in with an open mind. To question your current beliefs surrounding control.

I’m close with someone who believes in God and Jesus. Although I’m not religious myself, I can relate through spirituality. I simply use different labels that point to the same source.

This person is a strong Type A personality. Crosses all their T’s and dots all their I’s. Their sense of control gets thrown for a loop if plans don’t go the way they envisioned or predicted.

The other day they opened up to me about a challenge they’re having with dipping their toes into entrepreneurship. A challenge most (if not all) entrepreneurs have at some point in time—facing the many unpredictabilities. Ultimately, facing the unknown.

They feel a lack of control with not being able to predict the outcome, and these feelings are valid and real. Their ego built a wall of resistance once it realized the illusion of control and wants to retreat. This is very common when we are faced with the unknown.

As I told them, the hard truth is this “you’re religious, right? So you know that at any moment if God wants to take you from this earth he will, right? None of us know when that will be, it could be 30 sec from now, tomorrow, or 30 years from now. We simply don’t know, it’s not in our control. We live with this whether we choose to accept it or not. We give ourselves a sense of control by leading an immaculate lifestyle, which may or may not affect when it’s our time. Our actions can improve our chances but we don’t control them.”

OK, you might be thinking “I may die tomorrow without my consent, how does this help me feel more in control?”

By seeing that you’re not in control, that you’ve been duped by your ego to thinking it’s in control.

Control is an illusion our ego creates to feel more secure. It’s purely made of thought, there’s no ultimate truth to it.

There’s no steering wheel of life to grasp onto so we can feel in control

And as I told this person above, there’s an old religious saying “Let go and let God.”

Sometimes all the signs are given for us to follow a certain path. We have an inner knowing that this is our path. But there’s one big problem, we don’t know where it’ll lead us. It’s a path that requires faith and trust in the source that showed us the path.

Befriend The Unknown

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For many of us, assembling a sense of control is our way of resisting the discomfort of the unknown. Leading us to believe that thinking we’re in control will offset an unknown future.

There’s one problem, humans are absolutely terrible at predicting the future.

You can find evidence of this when you watch your thoughts every day and observe how many times you attempt to rehearse or predict moments in the future.

Then, after the moments arrive look back and see what your batting average is.

The truth is, all we ever know is now. Not one second from now, not even a millisecond from now, just now.

We can’t even predict what thought will pop into our head a second from now let alone what may happen to us, for us, or around us.

Trying to control the uncontrollable will only lead to suffering and a feeling of being out of control.

I propose a shift in perspective, instead of trying to control your life, what if you stopped trying and started trusting?

Stop Trying and Learn To Start Trusting

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Trust what or who you may ask?

Well, yourself firstly.

Do you trust yourself with your life?

If not, this is a foundational place for you to begin your journey. This process is beyond the scope of this post, but I will say this, you must get to know your higher self. The unchanging you that is beyond the ego, the intuitive you that guides with an inner knowing.

And, if you’re religious, you may also trust God or Jesus to light your way.

Trust what? Life.

Life may seem an untrustworthy source for you if you have had a rough history. It’s perfectly valid for you to feel this way.

It may seem like life hasn’t had your back, threw you under the bus, chewed you up, and spit you out.

Yet, you’re still here, searching for answers. If you weren’t strong enough you wouldn’t have made it this far, but you did.

Life doesn’t challenge us with anything we can’t handle. We’re given a choice of how to handle or not handle.

We’re given a gift called thought that allows us to view our past and think about what it means for our future.

How we think today about what happened yesterday will create our tomorrow

Trust and control cannot coexist in the same space

Control is a manifestation of the ego while trust is innate to your higher self.

Trust is unwavering and unchanging. It just is.

Control has a definition that changes according to our thoughts and feelings at any given moment.

I encourage you to focus your energy on building trust instead of grasping for control.

Ditch Control, Invite Love

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Control is an egocentric concept. Providing it with a sense of being able to predict the future by attempting to control the present moment.

We get so caught up in trying to control the present moment to

Let go of trying to control the way and let love light the way

What Is It That You Really Want?

More to come!

flow state

7 Simple Ways To Achieve A State Of Flow — Fresh Ideas

Those who are in a state of flow tend to produce more, accomplish more, and feel more satisfied—it’s an amazing experience. Achieving flow has been the key to many success stories. With these seven simple implementations, you can experience flow any time you want. Have fun!

Definition of Flow State – What is Flow?

Flow is that elusive experience of total focus and immersion, where nothing exists outside of the task at hand. In fact, you will be so deep in the zone, you will forget about your surroundings, your existence, and even time itself.

When flow occurs, you have a clear path of ideas and creativity, and you become one with them. To achieve the state of flow, you have to have a clear objective and have a routine that you can follow.

For most, the state of flow doesn’t happen often, but when it does occur it is accompanied by an intense feeling of satisfaction.

8 Characteristics of Flow State

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the pioneer of Flow and author of the international hit book ‘Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience’, uses these 8 characteristics to describe flow:

  1. Complete concentration on the task
  2. Clarity of goals and reward in mind and immediate feedback
  3. Transformation of time (speeding up/slowing down)
  4. The experience is intrinsically rewarding
  5. Effortlessness and ease
  6. There is a balance between challenge and skills
  7. Actions and awareness are merged, losing self-conscious rumination
  8. There is a feeling of control over the task

How to get into a state of Flow

When you think of flow as being in a state of oneness and timelessness, it can make it a little easier to think of ways you’ve brought yourself to that state in the past and how to do it again.

*The points I mention below are based on my own experience and not taken from Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s book Flow. I’ve actually never read his book!

1. Have a Clear-Cut Goal and Purpose

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Having a clear goal and purpose for the task at hand creates intention. This intention allows you to narrow down your focus to not get distracted by wondering what to do next or other forward-thinking. Thus, keeping your mind on the task at hand as opposed to thinking outside of it. This is what creates that mindless experience.

Go into your space with a plan and trust the path it takes you down at the moment.

2. Create A Conductive Environment

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What is the ideal environment for you to get into flow?

It’ll likely share many of these characteristics:

  • Clean and decluttered
  • Comfortable arrangement
  • Organized
  • A plant or two
  • A room with no emotional attachment
  • Aromatherapy diffuser
  • Calm lighting and colours
  • Light music or binaural beats

The more your space shares these characteristics the better chance you’ll have at finding your flow.

3. Eliminate Distractions

flowstate

Distractions are the arch-nemesis to finding your flow. You don’t see professional tennis players checking their phone in between sets, do you? Why not? It’s obvious, right?

The tiniest distraction will prevent you from getting into a flow state or snap you out of a flow state if you’re already in it. Do yourself a favour and put your phone on silent or ‘do not disturb’.

If you’re on your computer or laptop, turn off all background notifications for emails and social media. Better yet, block all social media websites from being accessed in your browser settings.

If you’re sharing a house or space with another, kindly ask them not to disturb for the next x amount of time. You can even place a ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ sign on your door as a reminder.

You get the point.

4. Meditation / Breath Work

state of flow

To get into a state of flow you must be one with your body and mind. There’s no separation between the two. There’s no “body” doing the work. There’s no “mind” thinking the thoughts.

Practising meditation or breathwork has a proven track record of assisting people into this state of oneness.

5. Have To Be Somewhere? Set An Alarm

flow state

Given that the state of flow is also a state of timelessness, constantly worrying about what time it is will prevent you from being in a state of flow. If you have a future time obligation, set your alarm to ensure you snap out of your flow when needed.

6. Get Quality Sleep

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It’s no secret that not getting enough quality sleep hinders our cognitive processes. We become more impatient and easily agitated. Our memory becomes distorted. We tend to have more ‘brain farts’ and our ability to think clearly gets lost and foggy.

This is why pro athletes, speakers, musicians, singers, etc. all emphasize the importance of sleep. There’s no hack to make up for a poor night’s sleep, no amount of stimulants will make up for it.

We’re all different and therefore our sleep needs are different. Generally, most people need between 6-8 hrs of quality sleep to perform optimally.

7. Brain Supplements (optional)

flow definition

Coming soon

Wrapping Up

I hope you enjoyed this article on flow! With the seven simple ideas provided in this post, you’ll be on your way to achieving a state of flow anytime you want. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me in the comments below. Thanks for reading, I hope you found some useful information here that will help you achieve your goals.

is anxiety a mental disorder

Is Anxiety A Mental/Mood Disorder? I Think Not

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first, i’d like to say to those with chronic anxiety

you are not your anxiety, nor are you disordered, you are much much more than that

learn to befriend the unknown, after all, it’s where we all came from

–> i’m really not a fan of labels and here’s why

i understand the use for them, but i feel they are being used carelessly, irresponsibly, and sloppily

i believe, teaching one an understanding of what anxiety really is at its’ most fundamental level is safer, more helpful, and more responsible

at the very least, a new identity hasn’t been created surrounding a label

one who has chronic anxiety (fear of the unknown), will also have a lower level of consciousness. all their thoughts look real to them, as if what’s in their head is actually happening or will happen

low levels of consciousness and anxiety also accompany a need to identify one self with labels. due to a fear of the unknown, they seek to identify themselves with a label in order to become known to themselves, thus providing comfort and safety

when we take on an identity, we align the thoughts we choose to believe and act on, with that identity

therefore, when the label ‘anxiety disorder’ is given, it becomes the new identity

our ego will attach itself to the identity and be extremely reluctant to let it go. thus, creating an anxious identity that will be difficult to set free from

seek to understand, not to identify

set yourself free

may you awaken
may you see clearly
may you be love

take care ❤️

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