How To Quiet Your Mind Without Meditation or Techniques

How To Quiet Your Mind Without Meditation or Techniques

Once we wake up to realize that we’re all master storytellers, we see the thoughts in our head, we see the pen in our hand, we see beyond the story.

Although you arrived here wondering how to quiet your mind, I will talk less about the “how to” and direct you more toward that which you already know how to do. Don’t get me wrong, meditation and certain techniques are great, but what if you didn’t need a strategy every time you wanted to quiet your mind? What if all you need to know is how the mind really works?

Meditation Works But It’s Not Practical

I meditate every morning for 15-20 minutes (30 minutes if you include Yoga), so I’m all for meditation as part of a daily routine. Meditation does help to quiet the mind, however, I don’t meditate with a goal to quiet the mind. I meditate to connect with my highest self, with the universe.

Meditating every morning over the past 18 months has taught me a lot about how the mind really works. One thing I learned is that I don’t want to have to meditate every time I want to quiet a noisy mind. If I’m driving and my mind won’t shut up, I don’t think to start a meditation, nor do I want to pull over to practice meditation in hopes of quieting my noisy mind.

All I want is to continue driving while enjoying a little more peace.

I’m sure you can also think of many situations where it is not conducive to initiate a meditation practice. You need something simpler and more practical.

What About NLP Techniques?

Similarly to meditation, NLP techniques can be effective for quieting the mind. NLP focuses heavily on manipulating the mind into receiving the desired result.

One of the techniques NLP teaches us to use is to treat our mind like a movie playing within a movie theatre. We can then manipulate the colours, maybe brighten or dim them, maybe change it to greyscale.

Then we have the sound of the movie. We can change the voices to sound like a munchkin, or maybe your favourite cartoon character. The characteristic of the movie that will be most appealing when trying to quiet your mind is the volume. We can increase the volume or decrease the volume.

It does work, but I find it only works for a very short period of time. Those booming thoughts want to be heard. So what happens, the volume seems to uncontrollably start ramping itself back up without our permission

You Already Know How To Quiet Your Mind

(you just didn’t think it could be this simple)

Have you ever been to a concert or a party and held a conversation with the person next to you, despite the booming base?

Have you ever been driving while completely tuning out the song on the radio in order to listen to the thoughts in your head?

Have you ever been driving while being completely immersed in thought only to hear your favourite song come on so you decide to tune out those thoughts and listen to your song?

Have you ever been hard at work while your co-worker is telling you a story you could give two shits about so you decide not to hear a word they say and focus on your work?

What were you able to do in each of those situations?

You were able to tune out what you didn’t want to listen to, what you didn’t want to pay attention to.

Imagine…

Imagine your mind as the booming base.

Imagine your mind as the song on the radio.

Imagine your mind as the words of your co-worker.

You don’t have to listen to your mind just because it’s your mind. If it has nothing appealing to say at the moment then tune it out, stop paying attention to it.

It’s only the thoughts we pay attention to that make noise.

Use your free will and choose the thoughts you actually want to pay attention to.

We’ve all been born with the innate ability to choose our thoughts. We don’t choose which thoughts pop into our head but we do get to choose which ones we pay attention to. Choose to give attention to the thoughts that serve you and practice tuning out the rest.

This is where meditation can become useful. Having a daily meditation practice can help you practice tuning out your thoughts.

You’ll Never Stop Thinking So Don’t Get Your Hopes Up

When many people are on the search for how to quiet their mind they seem to be searching for a remedy to stop thought completely. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, this will never happen.

Even the greatest Monks and Eastern spirituality Gurus will never stop their minds from thinking. What they are good at is tuning out their mind at will. Tuning out does have a settling effect in the mind so your thoughts will become clearer and more spacious.

The mind works like a radio that doesn’t have an off button, since you can’t turn it off you just have to learn to tune in when you want to listen and tune out when you don’t.

And remember, you know how to do it, don’t make it more complicated than it is.

 

Learn from all of your experiences, opportunities are everywhere.

Take care,

 

The Simple Equation That Reveals Who You Really Are

The Simple Equation That Reveals Who You Really Are

Once we wake up to realize that we’re all master storytellers, we see the thoughts in our head, we see the pen in our hand, we see beyond the story.

This morning, I was meditating on a quote by Sydney Banks from his book The Missing Link, when all of a sudden this equation popped into my head. I didn’t ask for it, nor was I trying to generate any particular thoughts around the quote. I was just meditating to see what came up.

The equation that popped into my head is this:

However, most people live by this equation:

Understandably, the X will probably generate some curiosity.

What is the X?

What could it stand for?

For example, when I ask myself who I think I am, I receive answers like:

  • I’m a husband
  • I’m a son
  • I’m a brother
  • I’m a diversified coach
  • I’m honest
  • I’m Rob
  • I’m Love
  • I’m light
  • I’m inspired action

I’m all of those things and yet I am none of those things.

This is the paradox that gets a lot of people confused, probably even you right about now. This may get you wondering, how could he not be a husband, son, or brother when he is?

When I initially began exploring the true nature of who I am, I couldn’t fathom being none of those things. It just didn’t make any sense. But then it clicked…

  • I am a husband (to my wife)
  • I am a son (to my parents)
  • I am a brother (to my sisters)
  • I am a diversified coach (to my clients)
  • I am honest (to my thoughts)
  • I am Rob (to the rest of the world)
  • I am love (to my thoughts)
  • I am light (to my thoughts)
  • I am inspired action (to my thoughts)

I’m all of those things to life outside of myself, and yes that includes my own thoughts (since they aren’t me). They are just labels to identify with myself and others who I am in the world.

When you ask yourself who you are, what comes to mind?

Whatever happens to come to mind is a self-constructed you, created by thought. You are whoever you think you are. The more you try to think about who you are, the further away you get from yourself.

The real you cannot be explained or described by thought. You are what comes before thought. You are the space between thoughts.

Any time you attach a thought to your identity, you are attempting to describe the indescribable. You’re labelling the person you think you areIf we require thought to be described then we are not it.

You are a miracle and miracles are in-explainable by science or your thinking.

We attempt to solve life’s mysteries via our own thoughts, yet our thoughts are arbitrary and a mystery in and of themselves.

Thoughts are a guidance system for your life, they aren’t who you are.

You’re the one who is observing your thoughts.

You can let other people’s thoughts of you determine who you are. You can let your own thoughts of yourself determine who you are. Yet, neither is entirely true.

You’re the one who isn’t trying to think your way into being somebody.

You’re the one who isn’t trying to be anybody.

You are the one…

Why do you need to be anyone other than that?

 

Learn from all of your experiences, opportunities are everywhere.

Take care,

If You Have A Gun To Your Head

If You Have A Gun To Your Head

Once we wake up to realize that we’re all master storytellers, we see the thoughts in our head, we see the pen in our hand, we see beyond the story.

But before I could even finish following that train of thought in that familiar “Mara” tone of voice, I felt the cold metal tip of a gun against my temple. And the last thought I had was, “That’s not his dick he just pulled out of his pants. That’s a gun.”

And then, the world went silent…

…And then, a thought came through. I felt a wave of fear wash over him (or us?), and I opened my mouth to speak the only words I would say to him during the entire experience. I said, “You’re scared, and that’s OK.” I do not remember if I spoke the words in English or Spanish, nor do I know if I spoke them out loud or just “energetically”

An excerpt from the book One Thought Changes Everything by Mara Gleason, Co-Founder of One Solution.

Before Mara had that thought come through, she continued on to describe her experience as unimaginable silence in her head. She experienced a whole new world beyond the thoughts in her head.

Then, that one thought came, seemingly out of nowhere. Before deciding to put those words to use, she had to make a choice of whether she was going to speak or not.

The Point…

Many people act as though they don’t have a choice, even when they don’t have a gun to their head, even when their life isn’t literally on the line.

You can choose to speak or be silent. If you do choose to speak, you can choose what you want to say and how you want to say it. If you choose not to speak, you can choose to do nothing or do something.

The very act of contemplating what you would do if you had a gun to your head represents that you do, in fact, have a choice.

So, the next time you find yourself wanting to use those infamous words “I don’t have a choice”, think again.

Even if you do have a gun to your head, you still have a choice.

 

Learn from all of your experiences, opportunities are everywhere.

Take care,

 

Why You Don’t Deserve Better, Worse Or Anything At All

Why You Don’t Deserve Better, Worse Or Anything At All

Once we wake up to realize that we’re all master storytellers, we see the thoughts in our head, we see the pen in our hand, we see beyond the story.

One moment you’re deserving, another moment you’re not, yet neither can be true because the infinite truth never changes, it’s your thoughts that are ever-changing.

A recent trend of conversations has compelled me to write on the topic of “deserving”.

This word seems to get thrown around quite a bit when people attempt to:

Justify an otherwise knowingly poor decision.

I deserved that ice cream.

I deserved to spend that money I didn’t have.

To maintain their low self-worth by judging the greater worth of others.

They deserve better than me.

I deserve to be treated like shit.

To maintain a self-righteous, inflated ego and elevated self-worth by judging the lesser worth of others.

I deserve better than this/you.

You don’t deserve that.

I recently wrote about “YOLO” (You Only Live Once), a close cousin to “deserving”, and its’ similar repercussions. If you tend to use YOLO often you may want to read that after.

Where It All Begins

Surely, babies and toddlers don’t think they’re deserving or undeserving of anything in this world. If they did, we would hear some pretty remarkable comments:

I deserve real milk, not this fake milk.

I deserve to wear brand name clothing, not this stuff from Wal-mart.

I deserve more toys.

I deserve to watch more T.V

I deserve a better stroller

I deserve better diapers

This is not an inherent genetic trait that gets passed down from generation to generation. You are not born with the conundrum of whether you are deserving or not.

It isn’t until you have learned from somewhere (parents, kids at school, teachers, sports) that you are either deserving or undeserving. This is done through a social conditioning that most of us fail to see, ever.

How Expectations In Sports Can Teach This

I used to think I deserved certain things in life. Having grown up playing competitive hockey, it strengthened my conditioning that to deserve a reward you must first meet certain criteria or expectation. If these criteria were not met you were not rewarded. This can be seen in the interpersonal relationships between coaches and players, parents and players, and the team and the scoreboard.

Many times, if a kid plays well according to others (parents and coaches), they are typically treated as they deserve to be there by the coaches, and their own parents. On the flip side, if a kid does not play well, many times they are treated like they don’t deserve to be there by the coaches and their own parents alike.

For example, the team may have won an important championship game yet the kid who didn’t play well can easily feel ostracized and undeserving to participate in the celebrations due to not being treated the same way as they would by their coaches and/or parents if they had played well.

What it boils down to is this, if they play well, they feel deserving enough to be part of the team and when they don’t play well they don’t feel deserving enough to be part of the team. I’m sure anyone who has played sports can relate to this.

How Expectations In Parenting Can Teach This

The expectation and reward system is also a common ploy parents use to get their children to meet their personal expectations of them.

If you do your homework I will let you watch T.V.

If you get straight A’s on your report card I will buy you a gift of your choosing.

If you eat all the food on your plate I will let you have dessert.

If you clean your room I will let you go out with your friends.

In other words, if you meet my expectation I will reward you because you “deserve” it…if…if…if

What this also teaches kids is that they are undeserving when they don’t meet certain expectations.

Not to say that this system is right or wrong, I am merely pointing out its’ faults and the repercussions that can follow. Often these repercussions are carried forward to most people’s grave’s as they had no clue this reward system existed in the many ways that didn’t serve them.

Does Your Deservingness Serve You?

There are definitely healthy ways to use this reward/expectation system to your advantage, unfortunately, many people don’t appear to know that. What I mean by to your advantage is using the system in a way that serves you, whether that be serving your physical, mental, or spiritual health.

This is how many use their deservingness to not serve themselves:

Sitting on the couch with a bucket of ice cream in their lap because they think they “deserve” it after the day you have had, this clearly doesn’t serve their physical health.

Going on a shopping spree and slapping the whole bill on their credit card because they “deserve” what they bought, this clearly does not serve their mental or spiritual health.

You realize you have done a disservice to your mental and spiritual health when you realize you spent money you don’t currently have and the material things you bought don’t make you feel any more worthy. It was just a good idea at the time that was built on a faulty premise.

One question to always ask yourself before you go off the deep end is this: “Is what I am about to do going to serve my physical, mental, and spiritual health?”.

Do You Or I Deserve Better? Nope

This is the contrast that gets vastly overlooked. I mean really, it took me 32 years to see it so don’t feel bad if you didn’t.

The contrast is this:

In order to be deserving, you must first judge your previous self, or others, as undeserving in comparison.

To be deserving of something means that prior to whatever expectations were or were not met, you are not deserving of what comes next. This teaches us to live our lives undeserving of many things, that is until we meet the expectation that claims we are now deserving.

Our default now becomes “undeserving”. This is what leads many people, possibly even you, to indulge in things that really do not serve you and yet you continue to do so despite that knowledge.

You Deserve To Be Happy And Sad

Life is designed to be lived in polarities. None of us deserve one over the other as we were given the innate ability to feel happy or sad at any given time.

This is part of the divine design that we call life, and since we were not creative enough to design it, we surely are not going to be creative enough to manipulate it.

And that treat you’re eating surely isn’t creative enough either.

You Can’t Deserve What You Already Are

You are happiness

You are sadness

You are worth it

You are love

It’s not up to you, you are them all whether you think you deserve it or not.

The sun is in the sky whether you deserve it or not, whether you can see it or not.

 

Neither Deserving Nor Undeserving

Now, this is where things get interesting.

I propose a question to you: What if you are neither deserving or undeserving?

Where does that leave you?

You cannot have one without the other. To think you’re deserving means that you’re contrasting your previous self, or others, as undeserving and vice versa. This constitutes a MASSIVE judgment on your part, and a judgment that I would argue does not serve you.

Who Are We To Judge Anyways?

We think we earned the promotion that was given to another colleague of ours who we think doesn’t deserve the promotion.

Just because we think this, does not make it the universal truth, it only makes it true for us. We’re not God nor are we the Universe.

It’s only true for us because we believe our thoughts about this person being less deserving than us. Because we deem them as less than deserving, we will now treat them like they’re beneath us, like they don’t deserve it.

What if neither of us was deserving or undeserving? It is likely that if we saw the both of us as equals, without judgment, we would have the capacity to actually be happy for them instead of criticizing them.

Another example.

We’ve all done it, and most still do. We put in a hard day’s work and decide we deserve a little treat. So we decide to hit our favourite fast food joint, bring out the ice cream or chips, maybe even have a couple more glasses of wine than normal.

All because we think we deserve it.

Why didn’t we deserve it before the end of a hard day’s work?

Why were we not worthy enough to treat ourselves?

Because we didn’t think we deserved it.

If we’d just stop judging ourselves so harshly we wouldn’t ever feel the need to treat ourselves with shit that doesn’t serve us. We would recognize our innate worth and treat ourselves with infinite love oppose to false senses of pleasure.

We would stop craving the need to deserve something because we would recognize we were never undeserving in the first place and neither was anybody else.

Being Deserving vs Being Innately Worthy

My next proposal is this: What if every single human being’s birthright is that they are worthy?

What if just for being born, which is a miracle in itself, we are all worthy of this miracle of our birth and therefore we are all worthy of the magnificence life has to offer.

You know how I know we’re all equally as worthy? We were born.

Worthy of love. Worthy of attention. Worthy of money. Worthy of hugs. Worthy of a promotion. Worthy of our dream mate. Worthy to have the whole world at our fingertips.

We are all innately worthy. If you are looking for proof of this then look no further than your own aliveness. You were worthy enough to have been given the greatest gift of all, this gift is called LIFE.

Lastly, It’s All In Your Head

Beyond all the jibberish I wrote up to this point, whether you think you’re deserving or undeserving, you just think that. Beneath all of our thoughts is the infinite truth, we all came into this world as equal beings, and that never changes, only our thoughts do.

One minute you’re deserving, the next minute you’re not, yet neither can be true because the infinite truth never changes, it’s your thoughts that are ever changing.

 

Learn from all of your experiences, opportunities are everywhere.

Take care,

 

Musings On Life’s Simplicity – Life’s Not Complicated Folks

Musings On Life’s Simplicity – Life’s Not Complicated Folks

Once we wake up to realize that we’re all master storytellers, we see the thoughts in our head, we see the pen in our hand, we see beyond the story.

The more complicated we make life, the more chaotic and ambiguous it seems. This ambiguous chaos leads to our inevitable unhappiness and stress. Life never was meant to be complicated. Once we actually see through all of our made up bullshit, life is actually quite pleasant and simple.

 

Musings On Life’s Simplicity

 

When you don’t know who to be, be yourself

When you think you don’t have time, time is all you have

When you’re in a circumstance you chose, remember who chose it

When you’re thirsty, drink water

When you’re hungry, eat

When you’re tired, sleep

When you feel sad, cry

When you feel happy, smile

When you feel grateful, give thanks

When you feel any emotion, let it be felt

When you’re stressed, see that it is thought created

When you think something is a problem, you just think that

When you don’t want to, say no

When you do want to, say yes

When you really really want something, go for it

When an opportunity is presented, take it

When you’re in debt, earn more and/or spend less

When you’re indecisive, make a decision

When you feel resentful, forgive

When you want to feel love, love yourself

When you have an injury, let it heal

When you feel lost, go on a journey to find yourself

When you say you can’t, you won’t

When you say you can, you will

When you think you have to do something, you have a choice

When something needs to be said, say it

When you think you’ve wronged someone, apologize

When you say you don’t know, you won’t

When you say you will know, you will

When you’re curious, explore

When you’re a know it all, you don’t

When your mind is open, new ideas are allowed in

When your mind is closed, they aren’t

When someone’s speaking, listen

When someone says thanks, say you’re welcome

When you hate your job, learn to love it or find another one

When you think it’s personal, it’s never about you

When you think it’s about you, everyone is about themselves

When you need help, ask for it

When you think you have to be right, you don’t

When you think you don’t know who you are, you’re not your thoughts

When you say you will do something, do it

When it’s your responsibility, own it

When you think life’s complicated, it is

When you see that life’s not complicated, it isn’t

 

Learn from all of your experiences, opportunities are everywhere.

Take care,

 

 

 

Musings On Giving And Receiving

Musings On Giving And Receiving

Once we wake up to realize that we’re all master storytellers, we see the thoughts in our head, we see the pen in our hand, we see beyond the story.

As we each go through our day, every action we take is of giving or receiving, making these exchanges with others and ourselves. At times, we feel the tank is empty and we have nothing left to give. All this means is we need to fill that tank back up.

Musings On Giving And Receiving

We must first receive love from ourselves before can give love to others.

We must first receive and consume our own energy via water and nutritious food to energize ourselves before we can give our energy to others.

We must first receive and become who we desire to be before we can give that person to others.

We must first receive our own forgiveness before we can give forgiveness to others.

We must first receive and become a safe space before we can give a safe space to others.

We must first receive and become before we can give our teachings for others to be.

We must first receive all we have to offer ourselves before we can give our all to others.

We must first receive acceptance of our own imperfections before we can value them enough to give them to others.

We must first receive our own desire or need for help before we give a request for help to others.

We must first receive acceptance of our own responsibility before we can give responsibility to others.

We must first receive our own shining light before we can give a shining light to others by seeing it in them.

 

Learn from all of your experiences, opportunities are everywhere.

Take care,

life coach toronto

 

 

 

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