What do we do when we want to get to know someone? We spend time with them. If we want to get to know ourselves we must do the same. In a world of deadlines and so-called busyness, most people I know don’t even give themselves 10 minutes of their own time on a daily basis to connect, reflect, and express love for themselves. Make yourself a priority, create a loving foundational relationship with yourself. This lays the groundwork for all other relationships you currently have and create in the future. This is what is needed for any relationship to maintain itself and flourish, whether it be with another or with ourselves.
I used to tell myself I wasn’t worth it, until I kissed that self goodbye. I came to the realization that any concept of myself that I deemed unworthy was just a conceptual lie. I made it up. This is also how I rid myself of the perfectionism that plagued me for so long. I no longer see the truth in it that I once used to.
Be gentle and compassionate with yourself, this sets the stage for growth and new opportunity.
You will stumble, you will fall, get back up and give it your all.
I’ve learned more from looking into my own reflection than I did from 14 years of schooling, and it was free.
One thing school won’t teach you is the abstract art of looking into your own reflection and discovering the innate wisdom that can only be found through contemplative introspection.
If you don’t make time for yourself, don’t come down on others when they don’t make time for you either.
Ask yourself: Why does this persons’ action bother me so much? There’s a good chance that you have performed, or still do perform that same action and continue to judge yourself for it. We place a bulls-eye on actions that we judge ourselves for, and we seek these actions everywhere we go. Have you ever noticed that you tend to notice the same actions that bother you, repetitively? Be honest with yourself, and when you discover the truth, be compassionate with yourself and let go of your judgments. You will then begin to notice less and less the action of another that used to bother you. This is all because you recognized it within yourself, that it was you who was bothering you the entire time.
You must learn to stand alone without feeling alone before you can stand with solitude amongst the multitude.
I’ve been through some shit and I’ve been through some shit, let’s not judge each other. No, that second “I’ve” is not a typo. Until we transcend our self constructs, we associate ourselves with multiple identities. We become chameleons, transforming our identity according to past experiences, who we are surrounded by, who others have judged us to be, who we’ve judged ourselves to be, and our emotional state. We judge all the different identities we have given ourselves as parts of ourselves we like or dislike, yet none of the identities are truth.
The depth of our relationship with another can only be as deep as the one we have with ourselves. For example, if you are too afraid to face the source of your guilty feeling, you will feel very uncomfortable in the presence of another who is feeling guilty. This discomfort will create a roadblock to new depths for that relationship. We will be comfortable to face with another only that which we have faced within ourselves.
Try this: Instead of trying to create a new version of yourself, aim to reveal your true self by taking off the mask of the version that disguised you.
We wear many masks over our lifetime, few of us take them off to experience who we really are.
We are one truth wearing the mask of many lies.
Truth is what remains when we can see that we’re not the chameleon, we’re the creator of the chameleon.
I have a client who has been running for a seat at the table in his region for the better part of a year now.
The vote that would determine his fate passed recently, except, nobody got a chance to vote for him. He resigned from running on the morning of the big day.
His own party made a deal with fellow party members from other areas of the country, all behind his back. Supposedly, they had known about the deal months ago and didn’t say anything.
Suffice to say, he was devastated.
This experience did open other doors that would have been opened previously, and it was a great learning experience.
Here’s the 2 ideas we discussed during our conversation.
1. No matter the outcome, you will be OK
In other words, the outcome won’t change who you are beneath all of your thoughts. The essence of who you are will remain unchanged and intact.
This is great news. Why? Because knowing this can guide you toward releasing any attachment to the outcome. Having an understanding that
outcomes don’t define you, thoughts do
means that you can be whoever you want to be regardless of the outcome.
It also points out that
others aren’t defining you by your outcome either, they are defining you by their thoughts about who they judge you to be, based on their severely limited perception of who you are.
2. Trust the process instead of trying to force it
More times than not, the outcome doesn’t happen as we had planned it in our heads. However, we still seem to think that we can force the future to favour our hand.
This is when we find ourselves ruminating over the process, that our thinking will somehow force our desired outcome. This constant rumination creates stress and anxiety within us and leaves no room for your wisdom to come through into expression.
The moment we start trying to force the journey is the very same moment we stop enjoying it.
Part of trusting the process is accepting all that is out of our control. We don’t control what others may say about us or what they may do. Lest worry about that so you can channel that energy toward your own creations and tapping into your innate wisdom
Time spent thinking about what may happen, that is out of your control, is time that could have been spent on what you can control. This can also lead to you feeling like you’re losing control because you’ve taken your eye off the ball.
Ever wondered whether your actions are helping or enabling another?
My hope is that these insights will allow you to see with more clarity.
There is a fine line between helping and enabling. If your helping isn’t supporting their growth as a person, there’s a good chance you’re enabling a behaviour that hinders it.
Ask yourself: Am I not letting go of my behavior towards them because it makes me feel uncomfortable by doing so or because you think it might make them feel uncomfortable by doing so? If it’s because you are avoiding feeling uncomfortable, there’s a good chance you have made it about you instead of them. Be ready to do what is best for them, despite your discomfort.
Ask yourself: Am I attempting to fill up my cup or theirs? For example, one who doesn’t love them self is enabling the behaviour of another because they associate that behaviour with receiving love in return. Therefore, they feel loved at the expense of inhibiting the growth, learning, joy, health etc. of the person whose behaviour they’re enabling.
Ask yourself: Am I acting out of selfishness or selflessness? A selfless person will do what is best to nurture the other persons’ growth despite their own personal attachments. They will also see that what is best for the other person is also best for them. This is how selfless people are able to let people go that they love dearly, instead of holding on to them for personal gain.
Instead of constantly over-watering the flower out of fear that it’s not getting enough, try stepping back to watch the universe take care of it, witness the rain nurture its’ growth.
We also have a tendency to do this with humans as well, in the form of enabling or smothering. Fearing that without us they won’t grow or function optimally.
Sometimes, others truly do need our help, and at other times we need to trust that their innate wisdom will guide them to flourish and grow, safely.
*disclaimer: I am leaving my opinion on Trump and the wall out of this. The last thing I want is a political tirade. This is not an attack, just a pawn for an InSight.*
I was driving the other day while listening to the audiobook version of Conversations With God (some may wonder why I would listen to such a thing since I’m not religious, because there is a lot of wisdom embedded within religions that can be extracted from the surrounding beliefs).
Unity vs Division
Anyways, the topic of unity vs division sparked my curiosity. When I think of division within humanity, the first thing that always comes to mind is the wall that Trump was pushing to build.
So, the audiobook faded into the background and I started wondering how that same $1 billion dollars could be used toward unification of humanity.
Unification being, treating humanity as a whole, that we’re all each others people, oppose to my people or your people.
Division being, segmenting humanity into parts and hierarchies, typically our people and your people or their people.
Many will see building the wall as the unification of a nation, which in a sense can be true. It can also be seen as a strong stance toward the dividing of nations, a step closer toward dividing the whole into more defined parts.
I understand there are many examples that could be used around the world to express division vs unity. Having separate governments being one huge act of division. While unification would be to establish one world government.
I chose this example because it stands out like a sore thumb and nearly every human being on earth can relate to it.
How many mouths could be fed
What came to mind was the wonder of how many starving mouths 1 billion dollars could feed in a 3rd world country. As you have probably already seen by the image before the post, the answer is an astonishing 23 million starving school children in Africa.
What I found even more astonishing
During my research, I stumbled upon a GoFundMe campaign for the Trump wall. I’m not sure how publicized this was, so if this is old news I apologize 🙂 ( I told you I don’t follow politics).
At first, I thought it was a hoax. However, to my amazement, it is a legitimate campaign. As of writing this, American citizens have raised $20,689,603 in nearly 3 months.
That’s $20 million dollars that could have gone to charity to help those in need.
I understand the philosophy behind the wall, take care of your own first. This is primitive conditioning that can be witnessed in the many T.V series that are set centuries ago (two very popular ones being Game of Thrones and Vikings) , reinforcing how little progress we have made toward unification.
What if we didn’t separate people into “ours” or “yours”? These are statements of ownership that create separateness and possessiveness when what the world really needs is oneness and solidarity, to stand together as one instead of apart as many.
Sure, it may sound far fetched, but that’s because the larger collective does not view humanity in this manner.
A shift in consciousness is needed and is coming, where talks of walls will be replaced with talks of shared interests and mutual love.
One of the most common concepts I have come across on my journey is the concept of healing our past.
I have had many insights about this lately and feel I’ve been drawn toward exploring it further.
After doing so,
here are the insights that arose:
Feeling wounded by our past is not the same as feeling pain when thinking about our past. Feeling wounded has a sense of permanence, suffering, and lack of control, whereas feeling pained has a sense of transience and OKness, a knowingness that we’re ebbing and flowing with the natural rollercoaster of lifes’ emotions.
Trying to heal wounds from our past is like getting wounded in a bad dream, then going to the hospital when we awaken in an attempt to heal them, only to realize that there are no wounds, our waking up disappeared them.
Feeling pain when thinking about a past experience is a fundamental part of our true nature. It doesn’t mean our past is wounded or we’re damaged goods, it just means we’re paying attention to painful thoughts, and letting the pain convince us otherwise is what truly haunts us, not the past itself.
The concept of healing our past insinuates that we are walking wounded. Yet, wounds only exist in the world of form. a cut to our body, a broken bone, whereas our past is non-existent and formless in nature, only brought to life by the formless, our thoughts. If thought cannot be wounded, neither can our past.
To put more simply, there seems to be no such thing as healing a wounded past, as the past only exists in the form of thought.
But if we cannot be wounded by our past, how come we feel pained by it? We are not pained by our past, we are pained by the thoughts about our past. This may come in the form of reliving our past or judging our past.
All pain that appears to come from our past is actually coming from present moment thoughts. These thoughts create emotions that we link to our past as if our past has caused these emotions.
Understanding that we aren’t wounded or broken has the ability to freeing all on its’ own. This allows us to see that there is nothing to heal, nothing has been taken from us, we’ve always been whole and always will be whole.
When we stop feeling wounded by our past, it’s not because we healed it, as there was nothing to heal, it’s because we transcended it, transforming our perception.
The illusion of the past survives through the now. It remains an illusion because the now is all there ever is, and the present moment never needs healing, and neither do illusions.
The past is a fictitious story that is illuminated by our thoughts, emotions and senses, leading us to believe that this story lives now, and that the character in this story needs healing now.
Even if we are tempted to argue against this, does it really serve us to think that we’re wounded or broken? Would it serve us better to believe that we’re whole, unwounded, and unbroken?
You are not wounded
You are not broken
You don’t need healing
You don’t need fixing
You are worthy
You are whole
You are loved
Learn from all of your experiences, opportunities are everywhere.