77 Signs You Have A Victim Mentality – WARNING: Eye Opening

77 Signs You Have A Victim Mentality – WARNING: Eye Opening

You Have A Victim Mentality If…

  1. You blame the system
  2. You blame the economy
  3. You blame genetics
  4. You blame circumstances
  5. You blame your parents
  6. You blame others
  7. You blame everything and anything but yourself
  8. You are passive aggressive
  9. You hold grudges and resentments
  10. You use the word “can’t”
  11. You don’t get back up when you fall down (figuratively speaking)
  12. You think life is a bitch
  13. You think the power lies outside of you
  14. Your mood is negatively affected by the weather
  15. Your mood is negatively affected by the traffic
  16. Your mood is negatively affected by other people
  17. You think your mood is inevitable
  18. You say “that’s just who I am” or “that’s just the way I am” or “I was born this way”
  19. You don’t think you can change who you are
  20. You are racist
  21. You wait for others to make decisions that you could have made
  22. You look for sympathy from others
  23. You envy others instead of evolving yourself
  24. You complain instead of doing something about it
  25. You think happiness comes from material things instead of yourself
  26. You break promises and commitments to keep your ‘personality’ (a made-up version of who you think you are)
  27. You say “I’m lazy” or “I’m too shy”
  28. You avoid problems in life instead of solving them
  29. You think the first thing that must be avoided is the embarrassment
  30. You say yes when what you really want to do is say no
  31. You say no when what you really want to do is say yes
  32. You focus on what you fear instead of what you want
  33. You fail to see the potential in yourself
  34. You use age as an excuse to do or not do something
  35. You use age as an excuse to be or not be someone
  36. You won’t make the first move
  37. You never want to risk anything
  38. You pity yourself instead of empowering yourself
  39. You pity others instead of empowering them
  40. You will avoid hearing the word “no” at all costs
  41. You use losing to justify quitting
  42. You are reactive instead of proactive or creative
  43. You think you are your feelings
  44. You think you are your thoughts
  45. You think your thoughts happen to you
  46. You take more than you give
  47. You think you “have” to instead of you “choose” to
  48. You see an obstacle as a “problem” instead of a “challenge”
  49. You say “I’m trying to make a living”
  50. You use the word “try” or “tried”
  51. You worry a lot
  52. You aim to just “get through” the repercussions of a bad experience instead of learning from it
  53. You use the word “should” or “shouldn’t”
  54. You are a passenger in life instead of the driver
  55. You look for the bad in others to justify how you feel about them
  56. You talk about other people in the stories you’re in instead of yourself
  57. You feel the need to point out people’s shortcomings
  58. You don’t think you have options
  59. You say “I’ll wait and see” instead of “Yes, I’m in”
  60. You don’t feel like you’re in control
  61. You say “it’s just one of those days”
  62. You have a hard time accepting praise or acknowledgement
  63. You don’t think you can change your story
  64. You don’t see that who you think you are is your own made-up story
  65. You are offended easily
  66. You think promises are made to be broken
  67. You take everything personally
  68. You can’t get over your past
  69. You don’t think you can create your future
  70. You do things out of obligation
  71. You try to live up to other people’s expectations
  72. You say “I don’t know” or “I don’t know how”
  73. You prefer to talk instead of act
  74. You beat around the bush
  75. You crave all the negative shit on the news
  76. You see the bad and don’t acknowledge the good
  77. You say “I just don’t have it in me”

Learn from all of your experiences, opportunities are everywhere.

Take care,

Rob Kish

I AM

I AM

.

I AM

 

I am Mother,

I am Grandmother,

I am Great-Grandmother,

I am Friend,

I am G,

I am GG,

I am Granny,

I am Granny Goodwitch,

I am whatever you want to call me,

I am the Mother of three,

I am so proud of who you all came to be,

I am here for you the same way you were there for me,

I am the Grandmother of five,

I am so grateful for the time we had while I was alive,

I am the Great-Grandmother of 2,

I am so blessed to have had time with the both of you,

I am the voice of Grace at Christmas dinner,

I am the snow that falls on you all through the winter,

I am the rain on my own parade,

I am the sun that begins and ends your day,

I am the things amongst all things,

I am the razmataz the chaos in your life brings,

I am the reminder that we’re all kids at heart,

I am the creative in your work of art,

I am always here and will never depart,

I am the gratitude you feel for our memories,

I am the wine you taste at the wineries,

I am the laughter before anyone pees,

I am one with you not separate binaries,

I am the imagination in all of your ventures,

I am the scary witch when not wearing dentures,

I am the grateful expense for all of your pleasures,

I am the Lion in every King,

I am the miracle the Leafs are needing,

I am the promise to Paul a Stanley Cup ring,

I am the life of every party,

I am the two pods for every pea,

I am the undisputed champion of Jello shooters,

I am the crazy in those delicious alcohol coolers,

I am the sense of all of your humours,

I am the Teddy in every Bear,

I am the commando when you don’t wear underwear,

I am the masseuse for each of your feet,

I am the guide that keeps your dancing on beat,

I am the clap of thunder beneath your seat,

I am the marijuana you smoke in the shed,

I am the laughter when it gets to your head,

I am the memories you’ll never forget,

I am Mrs. Doubtfire riding the broom,

I am the champagne you will consume,

I am the trees you plant to bloom,

I am the source of life for my family in this room,

I am a source of love for all of you,

I am the strength that will carry you through,

I am the celebration of life that will ensue,

I am the beacon of light when you’ve lost your way,

I am the tears you cry for me today,

I am the smile that will whisk them away,

I am the listener when you pray,

I am the invisible but only to your eyes,

I am the voice you hear beneath all the lies,

I am the wise,

I am the dimes you mysteriously find,

I am always here in your mind,

I am the divined,

I am neither here nor there,

I am everywhere,

I am the stuff all of your hearts are full of,

I am unconditional love.

.

Written with Love by Rob Kish

Influenced with Love by Margaret Kish

.

Learn from all of your experiences, opportunities are everywhere.

Take care,

Rob Kish

 

 

 

How I Learned To Let Go Of Caregiver Guilt

How I Learned To Let Go Of Caregiver Guilt

Is your guilt stopping you from being who you want to be in this world? From being the best version of yourself? 

This is the one question you need to ask yourself every single time you feel guilty. When you’re not at your best, you cannot offer your best to others.

Ironically, we seem to think that we are sparing other people’s feelings at our own expense of guilt-tripping ourselves. We then proceed to use that guilt and take it out on ourselves, which then trickles into our every interaction with every living thing, ultimately ending with us being an expression of resentment instead of love.

That guilt and resentment will express itself as anger and frustration through every single interaction we will ever have, that is until we free ourselves from our guilt.

I Propose 5 Reasons We Feel Guilty

  1. We said or did something that we feel we shouldn’t have.
  2. We didn’t say or do something that we feel we should have.
  3. We are contemplating whether to say or do something that we feel we shouldn’t.
  4. We are contemplating whether to not say or do something that we feel we should.
  5. We are afraid of hurting someone else’s feelings.

Every single reason started with a rule that you made up for yourself and if you dare to break one of these rules you will be sent on a frightening guilt trip.

Keep these in mind as you read on, they are extremely important. You will always fit into one of these categories with your guilt.

Lessons From My Caregiver Guilt

One of the biggest inner challenges I have faced as a cancer caregiver, as have many caregivers, is the tug of war between taking care of myself and taking care of my wife.

The inner battle I used to face on a daily basis was ferocious.

I had no idea where to draw the line between being selfish and selfless. Now I know that both definitions are fluid, made up, and can change according to my thought at the moment.

I could easily argue and find evidence to prove that my past actions were both selfish and selfless. What is indisputable is that I was not the best person I could be for my wife, nor was I who I wanted to be for my wife because of my guilt.

I Gave Up The Gym

I have been a passionate gym goer since I was 16 years old, I absolutely love going to the gym for a good workout. At times, I would go weeks on end without a workout because my wife was not feeling well enough to go to the gym with me. I didn’t want her to feel left out or lesser of a human being due to her illness so I decided to suffer the loss with her.

The gym is not just a vanity thing for me, it is a lifestyle, it is a nourishment for my soul. I did not realize the significance of the gym toward being a better version of myself until I had a paradigm shift, which I will discuss later.

I Gave Up Socializing

I thoroughly enjoy a night out with the boys, friends, and/or family. A few drinks, a bbq, a hockey game, board games, card games, dancing on a rare occasion, and whatever else the night may bring.

At first, I was receiving invites quite frequently, I was turning down nearly every single one. Eventually, I stopped receiving invites due to my frequent “No thank you, I’m going to stay in with Allie”.

She would tell me to go out and have fun and that she will be fine. I know that if she wouldn’t be fine she would be honest with me, so I knew she wasn’t just saying that.

The strange part is, at the time, I thought she was the one making me feel guilty. Now I know that I was the one guilt tripping myself.

My own thoughts were holding me prisoner to my own guilt, not her.

There were nights when Allie was deathly sick and under no circumstance would I have left her, and there were other nights I felt guilty for leaving her, guilty for having fun when she is at home resting.

I did not give myself permission to still live life and have fun despite our circumstance. I was the one who did not want to go out and have fun while she was staying home to rest. I am the one who felt guilty for leaving her by herself without my company.

Guilt And Resentment

I felt a lot of resentment building up due to ignoring my guilty feelings, but I kept ignoring them time and time again. At the time, I thought the resentment was towards Allie, she was the reason I chose to give up those things in my life after all, or so I thought.

Resentment does not go away by ignoring it over time, you must forgive, learn from it, and consciously choose your path forward.

You can only give to others what you have inside yourself, therefore if you’re full of guilt and resentment you will treat others as an expression of exactly that.

Over time, I started directing this resentment towards Allie and our relationship was in turmoil, almost ending on numerous occasions. Things weren’t getting better as I had hoped, ignoring this resentment only fed it what it needed to grow over time.

Nobody Can Make You Feel Guilty

My paradigm shift was this:

I was not being the person I wanted to be, nor I was not being the person I wanted to be for Allie. I was feeding our relationship more stress than I was love. 

Once I truly saw this and lived it in the moment of my own experience, I finally realized that what I was doing was not working, I had it all backwards, literally. I blamed her when I really was blaming me, I was just projecting this blame outward instead of taking responsibility for my own feelings.

This insight generated new inspiration and motivation to change my actions. I was determined to free myself of my guilty conscience.

One of the insights that rocked my world and turned it upside down is that nobody can make you feel a certain way unless you give them permission. Another way to put this would be:

Your thoughts make you feel the way you do, not other people.

Understanding this and applying it to my every experience is beyond liberating. Once you can get to this point of understanding you will never feel emotionally prisoned to anyone else again. You can never feel guilt-tripped by anyone ever again.

You Can’t Hurt Anyone Else’s Feelings

I find this is a tough one to grasp for a lot of people. However, if you apply the principle from above and turn it around, it will look like this “their thoughts make them feel the way they do, not you”.

Now, this does not excuse you from being completely arrogant or cold-hearted. Use your common sense here.

If you are saying yes to someone, what are you saying no to?

If you are saying no to someone, what are you saying yes to?

For example, in my circumstance regarding not going to the gym thinking I was preserving Allie’s feelings, I was saying yes to thinking I was preserving her feelings and saying no to preserving my own. I was saying yes to offering the expression of guilt and resentment and no to offering the expression of love.

Forgive Yourself And Learn From Your Experiences

Forgiving yourself for whatever it is that you did, and are holding onto your guilt and resentment for, is crucial if you want to move forward into a life of freedom from your past.

Forgive yourself for whatever you’re about to do, you are doing it with your best intentions in mind. You are making a decision based on the quality of your thoughts at the moment. In your mind, you are making a decision to serve the greater good.

It was relatively easy to forgive myself for my actions once I realized I was only doing the best I could with the quality of thoughts I had at the time, if I could have done better I would have. I just had it backwards, now I know better.

Chances are, you had it backwards too, and now you know better. Remember, be gentle with yourself, you were, or are, just doing the best you can. How do I know? Because if you could do better you would.

I Became Virtually Guilt-Free (And Still Am)

Once I saw that I was not who I wanted to be, and forgave myself for my past actions, I was able to go to the gym again without feeling guilty. If Allie is able to join me that’s a bonus, if she can’t join me that’s great too, I will enjoy my workout and reap all of the benefits from it.

I have also been able to get out and socialize more without feeling guilty. This one was a little tougher to overcome as it meant I would be leaving Allie alone for potentially entire afternoons and evenings.

Sometimes I can feel the guilt creeping back in but I just remind myself that I am doing what I need to do for myself, for Allie, and for the world in order to be the best version of myself.

How You Too Can Become Guilt-Free

The story behind your guilt actually does not matter. Whether you can relate to my story or not,

the source of a guilty feeling is always the same (our thoughts) and the solution to a guilty feeling is always the same (our thoughts), you would not feel guilty without a guilty thought.

You can test this out on any feeling of guilt you have ever had whether it be for eating too much chocolate, cheating on a test, breaking a promise, it really does not matter,

5 Lessons To Becoming Guilt-Free

  1. Our thoughts make us feel the way we do, not other people. Other people’s thoughts make them feel the way they do, not you.
  2. We are not being the best version of ourselves, and therefore not serving ourselves or others to the best of our abilities while we are riddled with guilt.
  3. We must forgive ourselves gently, reminding ourselves that if we could do better we would.
  4. Learn from the experience that led to the guilt. Apply that knowledge moving forward.
  5. Feel the liberation, live from a place of freedom instead of guilt and you will become of greater service to others and transform your life and the lives of others.

Learn from all of your experiences, opportunities are everywhere.

Take care,

Rob Kish

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