If you can manage to eliminate these 9 phrases from your vocabulary you will transform your communication forever. There is an underlying theme to these phrases which I will reveal at the end, see if you can figure it out for yourself before you get to the end.

Before you keep reading…

As you go through each phrase, instead of imagining yourself saying it to someone else (which is what most people would do), imagine that you are on the receiving end of the phrase. Most times, when it is you who is the one saying these phrases you don’t see the hidden insinuations you are making or how someone could possibly receive what you are saying, regardless of your “intentions”. So I encourage you to take a few seconds and receive the message as if it is actually being said to you and see what feelings pop up.

“No Problem”

The problem with this phase is that it insinuates that there was a problem in the first place. By assuring someone that it is not a problem communicates to them that you assumed they thought it was a problem in the first place. Next time someone says “thank you” respond by saying “you’re welcome”.

If you don’t quite understand the effects this has, pay more attention to when others respond to you with “no problem” and “you’re welcome”. Analyze how you internalize each response, and in turn, how you feel towards each response. The results may surprise you.

Say Instead: “You’re Welcome”

 

“That’s Easy For You To Say”

First of all, who said it was easy for them to say, or do what it is they are saying? This phrase typically refers to an action to be taken and this response insinuates that the person you are responding to thinks it is an easy step to take. It is used for insinuating that, although, something may be easy or simple for them, it is not easy or simple for you.

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I find this is a highly defensive response that people use when they are insecure about their own capabilities or think that the other person is attempting to take advantage of them. The hidden meaning behind this phrase is largely dependent on the context in which it is used.

This phrase also makes a reference to your lack of belief in your own capabilities. For this reason, this is a phrase you will not hear a highly successful person saying.

 

“I Can’t”

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.” – Henry Ford

These two words are arguably to the most destructive words you can say. Saying “I can’t” literally means you are stating that whatever it is that you are referring to is IMPOSSIBLE. This leaves you zero chance of accomplishing it.

Say Instead: “I Can”

 

“I’ll Try”

This phrase is typically used if you fear accountability. By saying this you are giving yourself a way out before you even begin. This way if you don’t do it you are off the hook since you never made the commitment “To Do” it. This converts your focus to the possibility of “not doing” instead of the possibility “of doing”.

Say Instead: “I Will”

 

“It’s Not A Big Deal”

Anytime you say this to another person you are minimizing whatever it is you are referring to. Nobody likes to have their issues minimized, what they do like is for you to at least try to understand. By minimizing their issue you are also making a loud judgement about them.

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Say Instead: Nothing, listen non-judgmentally, be a friend.

 

“It’s Not My Fault”

This is a typical response from people who don’t take responsible for themselves. Saying this is an intentional deflection to rid of any possible responsibility for yourself and put it on someone else and you literally add no value to the conversation. Next time, if it truly was not your fault and your actions had zero impact of the situation, try asking how you can help.

 

“Get Over It”

This appears to be quite the common saying these days. The hidden meaning behind this is similar to “It’s not a big deal” with the addition of a potentially more hurtful meaning. By saying this to someone else you are minimizing the situation and are additionally saying “I don’t care” or “I don’t want to hear anymore”.

Say Instead: Nothing, listen non-judgmentally, be a friend.

 

“If You Love Me, You Would…”

This phrase is a true relationship killer. It is an attempt for the ultimate guilt trip, using life’s most powerful emotion against someone in order to get your own way. It is disgustingly manipulative. Although I don’t believe people realize that, or have those exact intentions when they say it, it will have the same impact. True love is unconditional, and saying this adds a condition to the other person’s love. In addition to that, to what extent someone will go for someone they love is entirely subjective, and purely your own opinion. What you are asking them to do if they love you is not a universal rule that all people who love another must, and will do what you’re asking if they love you.

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Say Instead: Nothing, listen non-judgmentally, be a friend.

 

“Whatever”

You may as well say what you really mean, which is “I care, but I am going to act like I don’t by telling you I don’t care because I don’t want you to think that I care” or “my ego has been hurt so please stop talking”.

 

The Common Theme

Each one of these phrases comes with hidden insinuations that have a negative incantation to them.

 

Do you know any other phrases that deserve to be on this list?

Please share in the comments below!